VISTAS: An awareness of a range of time, events, or subjects. A broad Mental View.
December 26

"Imagination is more important than knowledge. For knowledge is limited to all we now know and understand, while imagination embraces the entire world, and all there ever will be to know and understand."
- Albert Einstein 1879-1955, Physicist -


Well the store was plain crazy today, thankfully I had to go in early which meant going home early as well. I’m thankful I did not have to be in there in the evening.

I watched the movie Kingdom of Heaven this evening, a kind of hard movie to follow however one that I found enjoyable to watch.


If you should die before me, ask if you could bring a friend.
- Stone Temple Pilots -


I really need to make a plan for my life, maybe if there was some sort of plan to follow then maybe I could find a purpose for me to continue forward with the next day instead of praying every night that the morning will never come again.


Spent most of the day sleeping, once I got home from work. then I worked on the new calendars for my thoughts. Not sure if I like what I came up with for them but they are done and that is that. I wished I felt comfortable saying something's I would like to say, but I know I dare not


I had looked forward to this day for so many weeks now, and it is as I knew it would be, but yet I had hoped, I had even prayed that I would be wrong and I would see his blue eyes again. I am such a fool to love, to care, when will I learn that there is no love in this world, there is no true hearts, there is nothing for me but the silence and the solitude of forever alone.

I cried today, I cried hard for the pain and the hurt of being rejected once again, for being laughed at and for being some part of someone else's game. I still ask myself what is wrong with me that no one wants me, why am I discarded and thrown away, I try to be what others want but yet it is not good enough, I try to be truthful and honest but no one wants the truth. I try to be me, but me is not good enough.

It seems as though everyone has someone, someone to share the laughter and the tears with, someone to share their inner feelings and thoughts with, but I find there is no one like that for me. Am I being selfish to think of me when there is no one else to think of?


with a heart of gold
my spirit could be sold
though not so bold
hidden within the fold
love finds all I'm told
but lord it sure is cold


he's late coming home
guess he didn't want to see me before going to work
guess his sick friend really needs his care
guess the lies are better than the truth
guess it doesn't matter


Where to now?

To many Thoughts
flooding the mind
Can't think straight


I made it possible
I gave it all
I will make the New Year better
I swear