VISTAS: An awareness of a range of time, events, or subjects. A broad Mental View.
December 21

Although things are not perfect
Because of trial or pain
Continue in thanksgiving
Do not begin to blame
Even when the times are hard
Fierce winds are bound to blow
God is forever able
Hold on to what you know
Imagine life without His love
Joy would cease to be
Keep thanking Him for all the things
Love imparts to thee
Move out of "Camp Complaining"
No weapon that is known
On earth can yield the power
Praise can do alone
Quit looking at the future
Redeem the time at hand
Start every day with worship
To "thank" is a command
Until we see Him coming
Victorious in the sky
We'll run the race with gratitude
Xalting God most high
Yes, there'll be good times and yes some will be bad, but...
Zion waits in glory...where none are ever sad!


My Head is pounding so bad.


"Verily, verily, I say unto you, He that believeth on me, the works that I do shall he do also; and greater works than these shall he do; because I go unto my Father. And whatsoever ye shall ask in my name, that will I do, that the Father may be glorified in the Son. If ye shall ask any thing in my name, I will do it."
- John 14:12 -


I spent most of the day working on the new layout for the Verse Vista. .some questions were also brought forth one I haven't yet decided to answer or not, we shall see. For now I have to think and evaluate how I feel. I'm really hoping that I can get the Vista conversion done before moving the site. but if not well then so be it, but for now I'll keep plugging away.


Sometimes I feel guilty for feeling so alone there are so many out there that their hearts are hurting because of those they love are hurting or ill. I should be so thankful and I am that I'm not having to go through their trials, but at times I wished there was someone that I could go though that for.


I sit and think of each time I have loved and it left me, I have never turned my back on love, but it has fled me so many times. I have given all I have to give and yet it was not good enough to hold love in my grasp for but a fleeting moment. I think of the hours, the dedication, the devotion, spent on that elusive dream of being loved in returned, loved with no boundaries, love with out it ever leaving. I want to believe in forever, but love has taught me that forever is only as long as it is and then it turns it's back and flees.


Who is there to hold me when I am scared?


I wonder if the day will ever come that I can reveal to you how much you have come to mean to me. How I hold you in my heart, and what could be a new start.

I wonder if I'll ever say the words that come to mind when I think of you in kind.

I wonder if you suspect, if you know, and if your as scared as I that it may go?


Things aren't right
life is just to much of a fight

Why are the things I like
that I enjoy becoming more work than fun

Where can I hide now
there isn't any safe havens any more

when I cry I want to cry alone
I need to be alone


It's 4 am, in the morning, another sleepless night, Sometimes I wish I was more like other people, instead of locking things inside of me, never allowing others to see. I think that is why I am writing these pages, as a way of revealing my soul without the fear of judgment or sympathy, only strangers in this world will read these words.

I feel as though my world has turned upside down. All I want to do is hide inside of myself. I do not want to talk to others. I want to become no one. If I'm crying, I want to cry in peace. It's only the laughter I care to share. But there is no laughter here.

I need to re-establish my priorities in this life, Where once it was my children, who are now grown. Where it was once my husband, who is still here beside me. But my love has faded, no longer a happy feeling, Where once it was my Job, none of it is there for me now. I look around me and find nothing, What will it take to make me whole again. To feel happiness. I must learn the answer to this.