VISTAS: An awareness of a range of time, events, or subjects. A broad Mental View.
December 4

Little girl in Red
Mouse drawn by
B. J. Carper
from tutorials at
Vanilla Fields


Well the Colts did it again with a dominating win over Tennessee today. I think next week will be more of a test for them and it has me a bit worried. At least with their win today they have clinched a playoff berth so this is a good thing.

Rup Rup keeps barking at me, I think maybe she doesn’t want me on the puter and thinks I should be giving her my full attention. I think maybe she is a bit mad at me, because we went all weekend without visiting Grandma an Billie Dog. Oh well she’ll get over it… I think


why do you come here?
what do you home to learn?
why do you want to haunt my thoughts?
when do you plan to stop?
will I have to desert the site?
will I have to hide somewhere else?


Snow covered train, with little bear beside it
Mouse drawn by B. J. Carper, from tutorials at Vanilla Fields

as you may notice some of these little graphics the past few days..I have found that creating them has been a bit a driven sense of the word...isn't it weird that we feel the most alive when we are learning, and being able to see the end results of that experience.


although I didn't have to work today, it seems as though I just wasted my time on being home, I accomplished nothing, and now as I get ready for bed, I find I am looking forward to returning to the nut house I call work


it seems as though the world gets lonely everyday. There seems to be nothing but artificial noise, and if it were deleted, then all that would be left is silence. A silence so deep and complete you hear your own heart break.


I wonder if I will ever get a place of my own and if I do if I will be able to live by myself. I'm scared I won't be able to afford it, I'm afraid I won't be able to handle living in town, I'm afraid I won't like living totally alone.


I have been lost in the darkness of my soul as of late. An empty void filling space.


A tiredness claims my body
My mind and my soul
It possesses my thoughts
dragging me into a darkness
fatigue of failure
in my quest of happiness
sorrow besieges my inner being

A tiredness so complete
even the demons that haunt
no longer fight
a deadness of the spirit
that only can be sought
in the brightness of daylight
which seems to be naught

A tiredness that compels
to give in and stop
but somewhere deep inside I feel the flicker
of still the smallest light
and Knowing it is there
I still have hope
and maybe a bit of faith


Never believe anything until it has been officially denied.
- Claud Cockburn -